Marital Conflicts
The greatest hindrance to solving marriage conflicts.
The one factor above all that will determine if a couple is able to be helped in marriage counseling is whether they are willing to forgive one another for past offences. As a matter of fact this issue of forgiveness is not just a marriage issue, it is one that effects every person at some point in their life. The reality is that far to many people allow a lack of forgiveness toward one person to poison and destroy all the other relationships in their lives. Such was the case with one man I counseled years ago. He had gotten angry at a pastor and as a result had destroyed his relationship with his wife and children. When I met with him and his wife as a last chance to reconcile he said to me, “I would rather let my wife and children burn in hell than forgive that man.” How utterly horrible to consider, yet that is the unfortunate end of unforgiveness. A lack of forgiveness destroys the soul of the individual and robs them of their most precious relationships.
In order to properly understand the issue of forgiveness I want to start by considering the reason forgiveness is needed. The first time we see a conflict between men in the Bible is between Cain and Able. Genesis 4:3-16 gives the account of what took place between these men and shows us a picture of the downward spiral of anger and unforgiveness. In verses 3-5 we see the beginning of the problem between the men, which was not a direct conflict but an issue of personal expectations. The Bible says, “…Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD. And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering: But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect…” Though we could show that God had set an example of the type of offering that was needed; Cain brought an offering that he fully expected God to receive. His problem began when his expectation of God’s response to his offering was broken.
