Anger
Another tool that will help you in slowing down anger is to do what we call a trigger list.
Keep a small notebook in your pocket or purse. When you get angry make a record of it with date and time. Write down the event that stirred up anger and then a short evaluation the real reason you are angry. What I mean by that is separate the action from the reason. The action may have been that someone spoke rudely to you but the reason for your anger is internal not external so take a real evaluation, I expect people to be polite.
Here we identify the real issue, our expectation. Thus we can identify and move on. As you do this you will possible find that there are certain times of the day that you struggle with anger more than others, there may be certain things that stimulate anger more than others and as you make this determination you can plan against allowing anger to control you by either modifying your day or preparing against such stimulus.
Learn to exercise discretion and prudence – Proverbs 19:11, “The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.”
Proverbs 12:16 “A fool’s wrath is presently known: but a prudent man covereth shame.”
According to the Webster’s 1828 dictionary discretion is that discernment which enables a person to judge critically what is correct and proper, discretion should be united with caution. In other words, discretion is to be cautious not to act quickly without exercising proper judgment as to what would be the proper response.
Prudence according to the same dictionary implies “a caution in deliberating and consulting on the most suitable means to accomplish valuable purposes. Prudence is principally in reference to actions to be done and the due means, order, season and method in doing or not doing them.”
When a problem comes in your life you have generally responded in one of two ways.
You have either externalized by blowing up and taking your anger out on those around you including your spouse and children; or you have internalized your anger allowing it to build up causing you to have increasing emotional stress.
Both of these methods are bad because they either kill your relationships or they kill you. The real answer to this is found in the admonition to discretion and prudence. You must learn to deal with the problem.
The problem is never an individual, it is the beliefs that are motivating them. If you are going to gain victory over the problem you must separate the problem from the individual and evaluate what it is they are doing that is actually causing your anger. Then you must deal with that issue. To do this you most likely will need to express the problem to them in a way that they will receive it.
That means that you must not attack them with accusations about the issue this will only cause them to become defensive and protect themselves from change. To help others see the need to change you need to employ that techniques that Jesus taught us when He taught how to pray.
It says in Matthew 6:9-13 “After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.”
Without going into a full lesson on this I will outline just the basic format for you:
- Begin with a positive comment of praise for the individual.
- Ask if there is anything that you can do to assist them.
- Make your request for their help.
- Ask for and extend forgiveness for past conflicts.
- End with a positive statement.
